Good evening Miss Kat. It is I — Rainier Carl Gustaf von Katz. Will you honor me with your presence this evening?
Oh, hi Mr. Katz. I always like it when you come. You know so much.
Come now, my dear child, I am merely a student of human behavior, fortunate to live with an enlightened human who assists me in apprehending the whys and wherefores of that most exasperating species.
When last we spoke you asked me how it was possible that Republicans were able to commit abhorrent crimes on a daily basis with the full endorsement of the human citizenry.
Humans are so scary. Do you think I could really understand them?
I do not promise full understanding Miss Kat. Ultimately it is not possible to make sense of that which is senseless.
The first thing you must reflect upon is that humans acquired their unnatural powers, in the far distant past, through the employment of words. Since that time they have dominated the world, but also each other, through the deceptive use of words. In other words, they have learned to lie and to have those lies believed.
Do humans really lie on purpose?
Sadly, miss Kat, humans the world over are daily misusing words to their own perceived advantage.
Inasmuch as humans are self-centered and avaricious, they can be easily controlled, even when told to do something injurious to themselves. Since the beginning of what they call Civilization the more willful and intelligent humans have manipulated the dull-witted ones with words that engender certain emotions.
There are many ways in which humans are made vulnerable to irrational impulses. The first, which comprises my topic for tonight’s instruction, is what they call Religion.
What is re-lishon?
Religion, Fraidy Kat, is something uniquely human. No other creature surrenders their lives and well-being to mental concepts which have so little to do with the real world.
To commence, ponder the stories which your mother told you of the First Mother Cat, and how she brought forth all the myriad forms of our most excellent race.
Oh yes. I loved my mother’s stories, like the one about how the First Mother Cat gave us mice to eat and claws that always stay sharp.
There are innumerable stories, Miss Kat, far more than your mother knew alone.
But attend carefully, this is the part which, though utterly preposterous, holds sway over most humans in the world: if you were to ask a dog what…
Dogs are really, really scary!
Believe it or not, my child, many cats are not fearful of dogs. And many dogs will sit and acquaint us with their stories.
Now, the stories that dogs tell are about the Great Dog Father, and they are quite unlike our own stories. All that is precious to dogs was first bestowed upon them by their First Father.
I don’t know anything about fathers.
We are immensely different from dogs in that respect, Miss Kat, for we know only our mothers. In any event, we tell them our stories, and the dogs tell us theirs. No animal would say that their story is true and the other’s false, yet that is precisely what humans do in thrall to this preposterous idea that they call Religion.
By employing words associated with a religion, the manipulators are able to tell any manner of falsehoods to their advantage. The manipulated humans can be made to do anything, no matter how evil, because certain words are associated with their personal religion.
It is horrible, Miss Fraidy Kat, unbelievable. For imaginary and irrational ideas humans have done things they would have otherwise never thought to do. They have killed, imprisoned and tortured other humans… .
Oh no! That’s awful! I don’t want to hear any more!
Yes, dear child, that is enough for one evening. But soon I will return to explain to you … .
Miss Kat?
Goodnight Fraidy Kat. You’ll be safe under your bed.
